I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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