He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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