Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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