yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
