Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
