the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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