oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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