When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
