Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
