I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
