Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
