Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
