So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
