Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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