All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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