Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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