It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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