Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
