Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
