We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
