all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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