billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
