I smell stomach acid.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
