"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
