There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
