Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
