my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
