Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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