He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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