He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have fence marks all over my body
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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