Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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