dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
