where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
