you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
