There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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