The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
