My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
