Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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