drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
