Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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