I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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