I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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