We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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