Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
