there's paper in my vomit.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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