i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
