Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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