He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
