quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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