Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
