Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
