He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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