She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
