are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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