I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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