Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need to sanitize my soul.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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