there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
