If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
