my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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