these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
