You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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