Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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