i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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